Feeling a little bit crap, as can be expected when just about to start the 2nd of 3 night shifts. I slept for about 4 hours, and that sleep was disturbed. I was also looking after a bunch of medical patients on IV antibiotics and NG feeds. One was incontinent, one was in severe pain, one was almost bedbound. And there was a full admission to do because she was for surgery the next day. It was a horrendous shift. I know I'll probably be back up there again. I'm the lowest of the low on that ward.
I saw myself in the full length mirror when I'd just got out of the shower and I was disgusted with myself. I look like a buddha. I'm so fat and unattractive and just grotesque. I've got to do something about it. Can't even afford the petrol to get to military fitness right now though. I'll have to start running again. And I'll have to stop eating crap food. It's all I can afford right now though. I hate myself.
It's no good asking how I got myself into this mess. I know what I've done. I've been burying my head in the sand for too long. I've no money again this month and I'll have to get another one of those loans. I'm waiting for the application pack for tax credits, I've printed off and completed an application for single person discount for council tax. I don't know if I'll get any for this year though, although it would be nice. I've stopped the insurance debit for my laptop which I'd forgotten I'd got. I've cancelled my subscription to Nursing Standard because I never read the damn thing. I'm going to cut the Sky down even further and am considering cancelling it altogether. Not sure what to do about the broadband though. I'll look into it. I'm getting on top of things. It's a humbling experience. I wonder if I've learned my lesson? Time will tell.
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