Crap mum number one.

What a shit day. And it started off so well. I did okay at military fitness today. Wish my press ups were better though. Anyway, the day got steadily worse from then. It's mainly to do with my daughter. I have been feeling unappreciated and knackered and misunderstood for a while now, probably since she started seeing that twat of a boyfriend she had. Don't know if she's still with him or not. I don't like the person she's turned into since she's known him. He really is a piece of work. Anyway, she was talking with him online tonight so god only knows what's going on. She went on Facebook earlier, mentioned something about going to the cinema and did anyone want to go with her. I replied that I thought she was going to spend the weekend revising, as she has her AS levels coming up, and she'd said she was going to revise. Her reply was that she just couldn't find the motivation. I was seething but I kept quiet. I texted her later (can't be arsed talking through a door), saying that if she was feeling unmotivated (word?) then she should go to the gym or go for a swim, and that she just needed to get out of her room. She replied, saying that it was a good idea but did she do it? Did she fuck. Lazy cow. She's spent the entire day in that bedroom talking to that twat. I very much doubt that she has so much as looked at a text book. And to top it all, she's now broken the screen on her laptop because she was cross with him for some reason. I have never been that close to downing a bottle of vodka as I was just then. It was only because I was in my dressing gown about to get in the shower that I didn't go straight to the offy for enough alcohol to make me go blind. She was shouting and crying. I'd heard the crack and was concerned that she might have electrocuted herself or something. I'm just fed up and disappointed now. I've spent the whole day cleaning and cooking and washing dishes. I got attitude when I asked her to wash and dry the dishes and glasses that she had been accumulating in her room so I said to her that it wasn't too much to ask for her to dry the dishes rather than leave them on the draining board, and the next I knew she was slagging me off to the twat on the laptop. I tell you, if she hadn't broken it, I would have before long. Sounds like she's still talking to him anyway so the bloody thing still works. I don't know what to do anymore. It's a terrible atmosphere here. I don't like her at all right now and I'm scared because I shouldn't feel like that. All I want is to move away, join the regulars or something. It might be a better situation for both of us. I know I'm a crap Mum and she's probably right to blame me for all of her ills, but I just don't know how to handle this anymore. She's so self-centred and touchy; I can't say a thing to her anymore. Everything I say is wrong, or intended to have a go at her. It might be better if I wasn't here anymore. It would be great if I could get into Sandhurst. I could be away and still afford to pay the rent on this place so she would have somewhere to live. I just get the impression that she doesn't like me much anymore as well. I think I need to get some sleep. I feel like shit. I've just taken 2 DF118s, which is worrisome as I'm not in that much pain with my shoulder right now so I'm taking them to calm me down. I really don't want to go down that route. Say bye bye to army career, TA or regular. I'm going for a run tomorrow. I've decided to take off to the nearest mil fitness park. There's a lake there and I'm going to try to run round it a couple of times. Running is a much better stress reliever than pills or booze!